[Bigiron]

**📢 BREAKING: PAP’s 2025 Candidate List LEAKED!**  
  

**🎬 CASTING CALL FOR GE2025 LEAD ROLES:**  
**1. The Scholar-Bao** 📚  
- Must have perfect A-levels  
- Must owe government $2m bond  
- Will play "humble grassroots leader" (despite elite boarding school background)  

**2. The Retired General** 🎖️  
- Last posted to Mindef WhatsApp group  
- Special skill: Calling constituents "soldiers"  
- Automatically gets Sembawang GRC role  

**3. The Ex-CEO of [Insert GLC Here]** 💼  
- Fluent in corporate jargon  
- Will say "run government like company" 50x  
- Somehow still can’t fix MRT breakdowns  

**📊 BY THE NUMBERS:**  
• 15/15 new candidates = former public sector  
• 100% of them coincidentally PAP members since NS days  
• 0% chance your RC chairman will help you hang WP poster  

**🎭 SUPPORTING CAST:**  
• **The Angry Uncle** - "Last time LKY also like that one!"  
• **The Keyboard Warrior** - *Posts criticism → deletes when POFMA comes*  
• **The Neutral Civil Servant** - *wink wink*  

**🤡 OPPOSITION DIFFICULTY LEVEL:**  
▢ Find candidates not scared of IRS audits  
▢ Convince scholars to forfeit $2m bond  
▢ Explain why they can’t use CC facilities  

**💬 SINGAPOREANS REACT:**  
"Very fair system! Like BTO ballot but for politics!" - **Scholar who got bond waived**  
"Opposition should work harder... just not in my ministry" - **Permanent Secretary-turned-MP**  

**🎤 GOVERNMENT RESPONSE:**  
"This is true meritocracy!  
• Merit = must be scholar  
• Merit = must be general  
• Merit = must not ask about 377A repeal timing"

[red3]

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