[EvertonDiehard]

There are several reasons for the age-old stereotype about mothers-in-law. In the past, MILs often held significant power and influence within the family, leading to conflicts with their daughters-in-law over household management, childcare and family decisions. It may be argued that this still happens in SG which may be due to different values, customs and parenting styles between generations which create tension. In some Asian cultures, MILs are expected to play a significant role in family decision-making, leading to potential conflicts. Anyone care to share your personal experiences?

[Raphael05]

Really good wives will not make things difficult for husbands la.. just like good mums will not make things difficult for their sons..

[EvertonDiehard]

Really good wives will not make things difficult for husbands la.. just like good mums will not make things difficult for their sons..

Have you heard of the saying: "the path to hell is often paved with good intentions"? It is the difference between what someone intends to do and the outcome of their actions. The consequences of a MIL's actions may be unpleasant instead of the good intentions that lead her to do them. MILs may struggle to establish boundaries with their adult children and their spouses, leading to over-involvement or interference out of good intentions to help.

[Migrant]

Generation gap. 
Different generation holds different views. 
MIL still think she knows her son best. 
But DIL thinks she is in charge, so don't tell her what to do.

[EvertonDiehard]

After my aunt retired, she visited her son and daughter's flat up to 3 days a week with her maid to tidy their home and help to take care of her grandchildren. While she was still working as a teacher, she only visited them on weekends. Her intention was good i.e. to help the couple with their household chores and childcare since they did not have a maid at that time. However, it became too much for the young couple because the "help" became interference.  

[EvertonDiehard]

Generation gap. Different generation holds different views. MIL still think she knows her son best. But DIL thinks she is in charge, so don't tell her what to do.

The ways to lessen friction are to open the lines of communication and actively listen, establish clear boundaries and expectations, show respect and empathy for each other's views and focus on shared interests and values.

[EvertonDiehard]

A former classmate related how he married a wife whose mother had only primary school education, while the couple are NUS graduates. Her mom felt left out as her children communicated to their spouses mainly in English. She felt inferior in the company of her English-educated sons-in-law whose parents are also highly educated. As a result, she often passed insensitive comments probably in a bid to gain attention, or to bring her sons-in-law down.  

[p1acebo]

One tiger cannot have two mountains

As opposed to one mountain cannot have two tigers

[EvertonDiehard]

One tiger cannot have two mountains  As opposed to one mountain cannot have two tigers 

I heard of another friend's mom-in-law who gave him a difficult time when he was courting her daughter. She felt he wasn't as highly educated nor earning enough to be fit to marry her daughter at that time. Now that the MIL is a grandmother, she is repeating the same toxic behaviour towards her granddaughter's boyfriend even though he earns a substantial amount as a financial advisor and owns a car, because he does not have a "stable income".  

[Lukongsimi]

Nowadays mil scared of dil

[EvertonDiehard]

Nowadays mil scared of dil

The DILs of today are less hesitant to fight for their rights and less willing to hold their tongue and suffer in silence. Having said that, I also heard of a MIL who is so overbearing that she caused a rift between her DIL and son and the DIL's mother. The couple are separated now as a result. 

[EvertonDiehard]

I know of a close friend's mom who is so demanding and self-centred that she has no friends and her own siblings avoid her. My friend shared the latest incident when her mom and aunts wanted to organise a lunch. Her mom demanded that she brings her demented husband along even though the other sisters were coming alone (after all, it is a sisters' gathering). The mom also insisted that she brings her maid, but her sisters cannot bring their helpers because they will gossip and negatively influence her new maid. The problem is that the sisters are old and have trouble walking so need the assistance and support of their maids when going out. How do you deal with such a self-centred woman? Her sons and daughters-in-law all avoid her. 

[RiseofAsia]

The chinese wisdom already taught us very clearly.

Do you know how come bride in Chinese is called 新娘？It means new mother lah.

You must always know who is the “ghost” in the conflict.
It is the husband lah.

The husband must remember never praise or say good thing about your wife in front your mother. This is the main cause of daughter-in-law and mother-in-law relationship becomes sour.

You are snatching my son lah…

[EvertonDiehard]

The husband must remember never praise or say good thing about your wife in front your mother. This is the main cause of daughter-in-law and mother-in-law relationship becomes sour. You are snatching my son lah…

Both women may feel a sense of competition for the attention and affection of the son/husband. This may lead to jealousy, resentment and feelings of being excluded.

[RiseofAsia]

Both women may feel a sense of competition for the attention and affection of the son/husband. This may lead to jealousy, resentment and feelings of being excluded.

The root cause is hubby. Tell him to shut up.

[EvertonDiehard]

The root cause is hubby. Tell him to shut up.

If my mom complains about my Mrs when the younger woman is not present, I will clarify what mom's unhappiness is about. If it is unreasonable, I will let mom know. Thankfully, complaints have been few and far between.

[WhatDoYouThink!]

Mother inlaw’s tongue aka snake plant. Very excellent indoor air purifier

[EvertonDiehard]

Mother inlaw’s tongue aka snake plant. Very excellent indoor air purifier

When my wife and I decided to marry, my mom-in-law felt a sense of loss and even jealousy when she perceived that she was losing her daughter. She began to be more controlling and attempted to undermine our relationship.

[RolexPanda]

i have a nice MIL. caring and gentle. she still often buy/pay things for my wife and kid. whenever we go back for a short stay with her (tokyo), she treats us like king and queen. blessed to have her as MIL. when we married, she paid for our honeymoon in hawaii with business class flights+ 5 stars hotel too.
truely a god tier MIL.
but i reckon that we can get along because we dont stay together. she can be quite naggy.

my mom is a pretty decent MIL for my wife too. often give my wife and daughter big ang paos and buy her some simple jewelries.

[Hope]

i have a nice MIL. caring and gentle. she still often buy/pay things for my wife and kid. whenever we go back for a short stay with her (tokyo), she treats us like king and queen. blessed to have her as MIL. when we married, she paid for our honeymoon in hawaii with business class flights+ 5 stars hotel too.
truely a god tier MIL.
but i reckon that we can get along because we dont stay together. she can be quite naggy.

my mom is a pretty decent MIL for my wife too. often give my wife and daughter big ang paos and buy her some simple jewelries.

Your mother’s love for your wife is genuine.
I think mother in law wants to hide something from you.

[WhatDoYouThink!]

They will show their true colors if staying together, or when conflicts and clashes arise

[Lukongsimi]

Mil if have capable dil she won’t bully instead treat her like princess
Ask the female married mps if got bad mil?