[EvertonDiehard]

My mother's sister is relying on her savings after retirement and lives in a HDB flat with her unmarried son; her other children aren't earning much while her grandchildren are underperforming in school. As my mom is staying in a landed property and her children and grandchildren are all doing well, this sister has become envious and bad mouths my mom and her children (my siblings and me). This is in spite of my mom giving her sister money every month. Talking about biting the hand that feeds it. Should I advise my mother to stop giving handouts to this ungrateful sister?

[p1acebo]

Why you say your mother’s sister in a roundabout way? She is your aunt

[EvertonDiehard]

Why you say your mother’s sister in a roundabout way?  She is your aunt

This is to establish the fact that the woman is not my father's sister. LOL!

[EvertonDiehard]

My cousins behave in a similar toxic fashion. They avoid family gatherings during CNY, yet when we met recently at a relative's funeral wake, twisted the conversations they had with my siblings and me. When my cousin asked me when I intended to retire, I replied that I am considering early retirement owing to the toxic atmosphere at my workplace and stress. He asked if I had enough to stop work in my 50s, I said that I should have enough savings to do so. On the very next day, his mother (my mom's sister) reported that I am extremely boastful as I told her son that "I have enough money to retire anytime I wish"

[p1acebo]

My cousins behave in a similar toxic fashion. They avoid family gatherings during CNY, yet when we met recently at a relative's funeral wake, twisted the conversations they had with my siblings and me. When my cousin asked me when I intended to retire, I replied that I am considering early retirement owing to the toxic atmosphere at my workplace and stress. He asked if I had enough to stop work in my 50s, I said that I should have enough savings to do so. On the very next day, his mother (my mom's sister) reported that I am extremely boastful as I told her son that "I have enough money to retire anytime I wish"

The best solution next time is to just smile and say nothing. Buat bodoh 

[WhatDoYouThink!]

How cum you hv toxic relatives and toxic work environment? Toxic friends too? Maybe you hv too much negative energy which allows these toxins to come near you. Get an amulet may help to ward off the negativity and cultivate more positivity

[EvertonDiehard]

The best solution next time is to just smile and say nothing. Buat bodoh 

My mom is also a retiree who took a bank loan together with my dad to buy their landed home in the early 1970s. So my mom isn't printing money. Her sister has been living on her savings and the monthly handout from my mom (elder sister) after her hubby passed on. Her own children don't earn much, so they don't give her a monthly allowance. Yet my cousins behave so arrogantly towards their benefactors.

[EvertonDiehard]

How cum you hv toxic relatives and toxic work environment? Toxic friends too? Maybe you hv too much negative energy which allows these toxins to come near you. Get an amulet may help to ward off the negativity and cultivate more positivity

A toxic work environment and relatives are nothing out of the ordinary. LOL!

[EvertonDiehard]

It is one thing to be envious, but to bad mouth the elder sister (who is a retiree) who has been giving her money every month is downright ungrateful. Talking about biting the hand that has been feeding her! 

[WhatDoYouThink!]

Landed houses in the 70s were very cheap. Inter 300k, semi 500k, bungalow 700k, depending on sizes and locations

[p1acebo]

It is one thing to be envious, but to bad mouth the elder sister (who is a retiree) who has been giving her money every month is downright ungrateful. Talking about biting the hand that has been feeding her! 

Maybe she has dementia 

[Niubee]

My cousins behave in a similar toxic fashion. They avoid family gatherings during CNY, yet when we met recently at a relative's funeral wake, twisted the conversations they had with my siblings and me. When my cousin asked me when I intended to retire, I replied that I am considering early retirement owing to the toxic atmosphere at my workplace and stress. He asked if I had enough to stop work in my 50s, I said that I should have enough savings to do so. On the very next day, his mother (my mom's sister) reported that I am extremely boastful as I told her son that "I have enough money to retire anytime I wish"

Never ever tell anyone yr plan, maybe yr wife. Singaporean 99.99% wanna judge and compare with all competitors. Also wanna control u with their values. Like above, smile and say.... See how

[Blasterlord2]

One-sided story. Who knows what really happened behind the scene.

[EvertonDiehard]

Landed houses in the 70s were very cheap. Inter 300k, semi 500k, bungalow 700k, depending on sizes and locations

I emphasised that earlier to indicate that my parents are not "cash rich" yet my mom is helping to support my aunt while her adult children do not.

[EvertonDiehard]

Maybe she has dementia 

The lack of appreciation started well before cognitive decline started. 

[Lukongsimi]

My mother's sister is relying on her savings after retirement and lives in a HDB flat with her unmarried son; her other children aren't earning much while her grandchildren are underperforming in school. As my mom is staying in a landed property and her children and grandchildren are all doing well, this sister has become envious and bad mouths my mom and her children (my siblings and me). This is in spite of my mom giving her sister money every month. Talking about biting the hand that feeds it. Should I advise my mother to stop giving handouts to this ungrateful sister?

Maybe give too little ?

[Gemstar]

My cousins behave in a similar toxic fashion. They avoid family gatherings during CNY, yet when we met recently at a relative's funeral wake, twisted the conversations they had with my siblings and me. When my cousin asked me when I intended to retire, I replied that I am considering early retirement owing to the toxic atmosphere at my workplace and stress. He asked if I had enough to stop work in my 50s, I said that I should have enough savings to do so. On the very next day, his mother (my mom's sister) reported that I am extremely boastful as I told her son that "I have enough money to retire anytime I wish"

It is common to hv siblings who jealous of others success. And even yr Mum is so generous to give her sister money, and yet never shows gratitude. All those who are kind, humble and generous wil always be blessed. Becos what they gave away wil returns with even more prosperity and longevity.

[WhatDoYouThink!]

My cousins behave in a similar toxic fashion. They avoid family gatherings during CNY, yet when we met recently at a relative's funeral wake, twisted the conversations they had with my siblings and me. When my cousin asked me when I intended to retire, I replied that I am considering early retirement owing to the toxic atmosphere at my workplace and stress. He asked if I had enough to stop work in my 50s, I said that I should have enough savings to do so. On the very next day, his mother (my mom's sister) reported that I am extremely boastful as I told her son that "I have enough money to retire anytime I wish"

If she’s been like that then you shd be careful when talking to them. If that’s the first time she talked like that then take it as a lesson

言多必失 talk less and there will be less trouble

[EvertonDiehard]

Maybe give too little ?

This aunt tells my mom that the allowance she gives monthly is not enough, that my mom is stingy considering that she is staying in a landed home (bought by my parents in the 1970s when it was affordable for a white collar working couple), her children are all doing well (professionals and in senior management) so she should give this aunt more money, that the restaurants that my mom brings her to are not up to her standard etc. She also bad mouthed my mom and her children to their brother (my uncle), who informed my mom.

[EvertonDiehard]

It is common to hv siblings who jealous of others success. And even yr Mum is so generous to give her sister money, and yet never shows gratitude. All those who are kind, humble and generous wil always be blessed. Becos what they gave away wil returns with even more prosperity and longevity.

It bothers my mom to the extent that she complains to me and my siblings whenever we make our weekly visit to her home. Mom laments that her sister doesn't appreciate all that she has done for her. When I told mom to cut this ungrateful sister off, she worries that her sis has no one else to turn to for assistance. It is sapping my energy hearing all this, including gossip/uncalled for remarks about me and my own family.

[EvertonDiehard]

If she’s been like that then you shd be careful when talking to them. If that’s the first time she talked like that then take it as a lesson 言多必失 talk less and there will be less trouble

I advised my mom to cut her sister off, but mom has an extremely soft heart.

[WhatDoYouThink!]

I advised my mom to cut her sister off, but mom has an extremely soft heart.

No need to cut off lah, just maintain conversations of non essential things

Saw a video advising ppl not to get too close with relatives and friends when getting older. Too long winded so din go thru it. I think there must be some gd reasons

Forums like this is better lah. Anyone you not happy with can any scold until they are afraid of you

[EvertonDiehard]

No need to cut off lah, just maintain conversations of non essential things Saw a video advising ppl not to get too close with relatives and friends when getting older. Too long winded so din go thru it. I think there must be some gd reasons  Forums like this is better lah. Anyone you not happy with can any scold until they are afraid of you

I told my mom several times, and even reminded her that my siblings and I are giving her money every month for herself, and NOT to feed our auntie and cousins who show absolutely no appreciation. However, I concede that once I give an allowance to my mom, it is her money.

[Gemstar]

It bothers my mom to the extent that she complains to me and my siblings whenever we make our weekly visit to her home. Mom laments that her sister doesn't appreciate all that she has done for her. When I told mom to cut this ungrateful sister off, she worries that her sis has no one else to turn to for assistance. It is sapping my energy hearing all this, including gossip/uncalled for remarks about me and my own family.

It wud be good to leave such unappreciative relative alone. Stay away from them becos your family never owe them anything. That is what I wil do if I am in yr position.

[EvertonDiehard]

It wud be good to leave such unappreciative relative alone. Stay away from them becos your family never owe them anything. That is what I wil do if I am in yr position.

My mother is far kinder than me. I feel indignant that her sister and her children are so ungrateful in spite of my mom's generosity towards them. Even though my siblings and I have always treated our cousins cordially, they continue to bad mouth us. I guess I won't be so nice to them in future; everyone has their limits.

[EvertonDiehard]

Another irony is that my mom likes to bring her sister out for meals on Saturdays when my siblings or my family are free to drive them. I have to drive to my mom and aunt's respective homes to pick them up, settle the bill and then send both of them home thereafter. At times, one of her children will accompany their mom. My siblings and I also pick up this aunt for CNY gatherings which her children have stopped attending. We don't understand why this auntie still talks bad behind our backs.

[forum456]

Another irony is that my mom likes to bring her sister out for meals on Saturdays when my siblings or my family are free to drive them. I have to drive to my mom and aunt's respective homes to pick them up, settle the bill and then send both of them home thereafter. At times, one of her children will accompany their mom. My siblings and I also pick up this aunt for CNY gatherings which her children have stopped attending. We don't understand why this auntie still talks bad behind our backs.

so far, you never mention what did your aunt talk bad ?

you only mentioned your aunt said the allowance is small.

small allowance is not talking bad

[p1acebo]

This aunt tells my mom that the allowance she gives monthly is not enough, that my mom is stingy considering that she is staying in a landed home (bought by my parents in the 1970s when it was affordable for a white collar working couple), her children are all doing well (professionals and in senior management) so she should give this aunt more money, that the restaurants that my mom brings her to are not up to her standard etc. She also bad mouthed my mom and her children to their brother (my uncle), who informed my mom.

Hmm… sounds like dementia to me 

[EvertonDiehard]

so far, you never mention what did your aunt talk bad ?  you only mentioned your aunt said the allowance is small. small allowance is not talking bad

I mentioned some of the gossip in my earlier posts. Basically, my aunt and cousins twist whatever is said by my mom and my siblings in a negative way. My mom gives her sister $800 a month which I do not know whether it is considered "peanuts", but when my cousins do not give their mom an allowance, then $800 is a lifeline. If we talk about our jobs in a casual conversation over meals, my cousins and aunt take it that we are rubbing it in because my cousins are all underemployed after losing their previous jobs due to probably ageism (they are all in their 50s). Basically, the whole family resents my mom and her brother's families because they are doing far better than that aunt's family.  

[EvertonDiehard]

Hmm… sounds like dementia to me 

My aunt is certainly not as sharp as before, so its a combination of cognitive decline, resentment and envy. When I picked my aunt up in my new continental car a few months back, she commented to her children that I like to show off. This is merely one example. Should I have bought a Korean or Japanese Cat A car instead?